I am
a Pollock painting









Give me something abstract.
Give me something metaphoric.
Give me something without
colors, words, shape, or sound.
They all hurt the same.

Give me something new.
I want to be excited.
If it can turn me on like creativity once had,
then I want it;
as long as it has no meaning.

I want it to push me further;
this thought that makes me so lonely.
Does the result make the trip worth it?
Sometimes it seems so very necessary.

I need something open,
something without walls or boundary.
I need something that exists but doesn’t,
something I can formulate to no end,
question to no answer, and lead me nowhere,
yet, everywhere else in the process.



Grow.

The shrink.



Then I want to throw it all away.



Welcome all, this is my kingdom
of fantasy and surrealism;
I numb myself with experimentation
into hypothetical situation.
I draw them out so I may feel them,
and finally relate to the world I live in,
even though I am so disconnected;
this place would be boring, if I were to ever know
what boredom is.






The vibrations break me down
and, cell by cell, recreate me.
Now a mold of color, word, shape, and sound,
and I barely hold any form or consistency.

The vibrations make me up
as within everything existing.
Weaving patterns, sleeping dormant,
I don’t quite know where this is going.

All I know is
I have become a product of myself;
a victim to experimentation.
I create who I am as I become what I create,
and am beginning to question whether it’s worth it.

I will sabotage my own mind and body
just to find that certain feeling I need
to attain that concept I have been
searching for.
Moving towards a marvelous self destruction.



The vibrations shake me unconscious,
gently towards a new confusion.
Through said confusion I attain a new irrelevant truth
dire to the make up of my own personal universe.

The vibrations wake me up
violently back to this land of the anti-surreal.
Where I was born and where I will lay to rest,
here, a grave for the wonderless.
Uninspired.
Unimportant.





Grow.

The shrink.

Then I want to throw it all away.